After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s…
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our video
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.
6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.
11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of the Staff passed out.
OMFG I AM SCREAMING.
“Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.”
Is this woman’s husband Misha Collins?
OMG THIS IS GREAT
Hobbs and Eaves’ Miss Possible series of dolls are modeled after real women who’ve had path-breaking success in science, technology, space and information technology. Their product is designed to be more than a toy, however. Their first doll will be the childhood version of Marie Curie, the Nobel Prize-winning chemist and physicist best known for her discoveries in radioactivity. An accompanying app tells girls about Curie’s life and lets them do experiments and activities like making a compass, initiating a chemical reaction with simple household things like glue and magnets.
Why the hell was there a black guy in Maleficent?
These people are living in medieval Europe very far detached from any sort of ocean or sea. I’d be amazed if they had even invented a boat yet. Where the hell did the black guy come from?
there were fairies, monsters created from roots, and a fucking crow that could shapeshift into a man in Maleficent and the most unrealistic thing to you in the entire movie was a black guy
|me with friends:||9/10 would bang|
|me with family:||what's a boy|
why the fuck does everyone in the purge movies want to kill people if crime was legal i’d find a way to erase my student debt and also probably steal a bunch of new clothes
Same. Also really nice computers for me and my friends, and a costco run. Who wants to share a free costco run somebody bring a truck let’s go get some appliances I want a juicer. Probably we’ll do an ikea run as well bc what the hell it’s only one day a year.